What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
