How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
