you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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