i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
