I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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