When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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