i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
