That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
