How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
