Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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