I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
