Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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