conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
