it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
