if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
