the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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