I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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