so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize