I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize