not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
