I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
