I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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