genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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