Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
