I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
