So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
