Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
