Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
