I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
