Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
