I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
