it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize