I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
