he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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