i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
