Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize