You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize