I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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