Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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