I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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