Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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