I need help removing her.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
that may or may not have been my penis.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
