looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
