It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize