Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
