HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
