Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
