I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
