She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
