We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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