i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
