I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
