Dude my mom stole all your condoms
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
