so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Green mimosas i think yes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
