I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
