I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
40s are totally the cure
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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