did you get engaged???
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
