It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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