my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
