He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
