Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
