This beer is not sobering me up at all
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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