i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
