OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
