this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
