At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize