Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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