Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
