In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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