I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's never too late to be topless.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
