im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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