What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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