My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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