Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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