So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
