Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
