Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently you make a good broom.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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