i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
