Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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