oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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