I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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