tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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