I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
