it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
