Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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