We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
