turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
