and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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