so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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