he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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