My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
