I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
