it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
